Why, yes, I am jumping on the juice cleanse bandwagon! No, I didn’t do it because of Charlie Sheen (I actually don’t even know what he’s been saying on anything). It’s been on my radar for a while, especially with the wedding coming up. I’ve been scouring the internet trying to find a blogger who tried it and then said it didn’t work, it tasted awful, you don’t feel better, etc. But all I can really find are people who are raving about it saying their skin was glowing, they had more energy, the juices tasted fantastic, and did they mention how skinny they turned out? Well, there was one girl who said the green juice tasted awful, she didn’t lose any weight, it impinged on her social schedule, and she really didn’t enjoy it at all. I’m kind of inclined to believe her, especially considering our huge fail of a detox cleanse a couple of years ago.
As it goes for a lot of things, I decided to just do it and see for myself. If it does something, great! If not, well, I’ll definitely tell you so. It seems like the choice is either Ritual Cleanse or BluePrint Cleanse. I went with Ritual Cleanse because they’re based in Irvine and deliver to San Diego (although, the shipping cost is the same as the delivery charge, so…) 3 days of juices – green drinks, fruit juices, and a nut-based “juice” – 6 bottles per day.
You’re supposed to prepare for the cleanse by weaning away from caffeine and staying away from processed foods. I did give up coffee this week (subbing in some chai and almond milk), but then it was Fat Tuesday and we had Cajun food for lunch in the office. Then we had dinner at Solare in Point Loma (their pasta dishes are So Good) and I devoured half a lamb shank, some truffled risotto, and possibly most of the “shared” tiramisu. But, hey! At least I gave up coffee.
All 18 bottles (plus 2 workout drinks) showed up on my doorstep in a cute green cooler bag, along with an insulated lunch bag (which fits 6 bottles just perfectly!) I would have taken a picture but I was in a rush to get them in the fridge and clear the counter and whatever. Suffice to say, it was cute and well-organized. Google it and I’m sure a better blogger has taken a picture.
I’m going to keep this running file all day long and let you know what I think of the juices and the process. Because I love you.
Day 1
8:00 am: No coffee, no chai, just a glass of Emergen-C because I can’t figure out if I have a cold or if I’m suffering from some form of allergies that makes me sneeze and blow my nose a lot. I think chugging the Emergen-C has filled me with liquid and it takes a long time to get through Bottle #1 (kale, spinach, romaine, cucumber, celery, green apple, lemon). I also notice that the label under the #1 label says #3. But the #3 bottle says it has ginger instead of lemon. In 2 bottles, we shall see if there’s any taste difference at all. Bottle #1 is a green juice and it tastes green, but mostly just celery and cucumber. I think there’s a bit of sweetness from the apple, but not much. It’s not awful, but it’s certainly not that fun to drink. I finish it around 9 am in the office.
10:30 am: My stomach is a little growly, so I open Bottle #2 (pomegranate, clementine, coconut water). It’s citrusy and pink and tasty. I go through half the bottle and notice my stomach is not growling any more. Yay? I should note that I did the Seasonal Reset, which subs in a seasonal fruit for their “regular” juice. I think this is the seasonal flavor. Bottle #3 is another green one and I think drinking #2 is going to make it hard to switch back to the green stuff. I sip this one over the next hour.
Note to self: do not browse Chowhound while on a juice cleanse.
11:00 am: I am already craving food that requires chewing. This does not bode well.
12:45 pm: I drank a cup of tea to switch things up and am spending a lot of time taking breaks to walk down the hall to the bathroom (not what you think – this is a lot of liquid I’m taking in!) By now, my stomach is grumbling again, although it probably doesn’t realize Bottle #3 is another green one. Otherwise, it might not be so eager. Nonetheless, I open it up and take a few sips. I think this one does have ginger in it. It tastes a little different from the first one (yay?) but is still pretty much celery and cucumber flavored. Maybe more celery than cucumber. It’s still not that bad.
1:30 pm: Green drink is gone; chasing it with another cup of tea (Teavana’s peach blooming tea – not organic, but pretty to look at!)
2:30 pm: My attention span has gone down to nil. I can’t tell if it’s due to only consuming juice all day or if it’s the staring at this stupid long report for hours on end. I’m going to go ahead and blame the report.
2:37 pm: I have created a spreadsheet that shows when I’ve consumed a juice and how many more hours are left in the day to determine when to drink Bottle #4. I assume Bottle #5 (another green mess) will constitute “dinner” and Bottle #6 (the revered cashew drink people seem to love) will function as dessert? Or maybe they flank “dinner time”, in which case I should drink the green one on my way home and then the cashew one a couple of hours after that. Am I spending too much time thinking about this? You bet I am.
4:15 pm: Actually got focused on a work task and totally forgot about whether I was hungry, thirsty, or bored. If I’m going to get through 3 more bottles, it’s time for Bottle #4 (water, lemon, agave, cayenne)! Ack. It’s like a spicy lemon water! I am suspicious that this bottle sounds like the concoction from the weird Master Cleanse you always see on the internet. It kind of burns my tongue a little, but also in that way where I kind of want to keep drinking more. No substance to this bottle – it’s basically flavored water. And, the more I drink, the more my mouth burns. Bottoms up!
4:30 pm: Hmm… I’ve gotten really cold all of a sudden. Did the office AC kick on or is the cayenne doing something weird to me? I’d put my jacket on, but it’s pretty puffy and I might get odd looks.
5:30 pm: Still working. Trying to decide if I should drink the last green drink or skip it, see how hungry I get, and go straight to the cashew bottle. Determine that I should do the program as it’s designed. I’ll probably drink the stupid green one on the way home. Am I not hungry because I’m not hungry, or because I know what’s coming?
6:30 pm: I’m home and have finished the last green drink on the drive in. It wasn’t so bad. Travis heated up leftovers for his dinner and even though it smells good, I’m not really all that tempted to steal off his plate.
7:30 pm: I open Bottle #6 (water, cashews, agave, cinnamon, vanilla) and take a sip. It’s, uh, chewy. Slightly sweet and spiced, but kind of chewy from all the ground up cashews. It’s probably the most substantial drink of my entire day. I can see how people look forward to it (it almost requires chewing!) but I don’t think I would start craving it. Maybe tomorrow I’ll switch it out for the almond Post-Shred drink to see if I like that better.
All in all, I made it through Day 1 without any problems. When my stomach grumbled, I opened a new bottle. I drank tea in between. There were some bouts of solid-food cravings, but I didn’t need to dig into an avocado or anything. No headache, no sluggishness (aside from the normal long-workday tiredness), no issues. I’m sure quitting coffee a few days earlier helped with that. I don’t know what else to say – I don’t feel lousy, but I don’t feel super-fantastic, either. At least I’m not dreading the next two days..
(I should note that I purchased the Reset Cleanse all by myself and am not being compensated in any way by Ritual Cleanse or any other sponsor.)
Three Dog Kitchen 
This reminds me of the cookie diet I attempted to do before my wedding. Cookies = delicious right?? NO. It was like chewing a sponge that got bigger as soon as it hit your saliva glands. No wonder you were suppose to drink an entire bottle of water with it. Now reading your post, I wonder if I would rather have something chew on or something to drink on? Of course, the cookie diet wasn’t a cleanse just a fad diet.
Expanding sponge cookies? Blech. If I was hungry after drinking all these juices, I’d probably think I’d prefer the cookie diet. But so far, I haven’t been hungry.
You are brave. No juice diets for me. It’s interesting to see your hour-by-hour updates though. Good luck with the next couple days!
It’s more out of curiosity than anything else. I’m definitely looking forward to being able to eat something!