reflective

Do you ever take a moment to sit back and just think about how your life has turned out?  Granted, my life seems like it’s just getting started, and I hope it continues for a long, long time.  But, other times I feel like I’ve already taken a long journey to get where I am today.  Maybe it was a really windy path, one that felt like it took a long time but really only traveled a short distance.

When I talk to my mom, sometimes I get updates on my cousins.  One is older than I am, one is closer to my sister’s age.  Sometimes I get updates on my sister, too.  It reminds me that everyone’s life goes at their own pace and some like to take things a little more leisurely.  Mostly, though, I want to say, “See?  My life is good and happy and free from drama.  My life is stable and loving and I have no complaints.  Stop pushing and making me feel guilty that it’s not at a point you think it should be.”

You know how people say they have no regrets in life?  That if they had the chance to do things over, they probably wouldn’t change a thing?  I don’t know if I can say I have no regrets, but I do know that I wouldn’t want to change anything in my life that would affect where I have ended up.  I feel like I’ve made mostly good decisions.  I know I’ve been incredibly lucky.  I have a good job that I enjoy most of the time (sometimes I just get tired of working, period).  I live in a nice house that is getting better every day (it’s also a pretty nice home, too).  I have 3 dogs who are mostly good, definitely doggy, and are good company.  The cat is one of the most personable creatures I’ve ever met.  And I’m in one of the most healthy relationships I can remember with someone who loves me, plain and simple, and makes me smile every day.  I can look at each awful relationship I’ve left behind and see how it’s formed my choices, habits, and desires.  All those relationships make me appreciative of the one I have now.  If I hadn’t been exposed to all those different personalities, would I now know what I can tolerate and what really doesn’t matter?

Sometimes I wonder if I’m just trying to convince myself that I have no complaints, that no one could be that easy to deal with.  I usually end up feeling that we both just took a long time, weeding through a mess of people, just to find the other person to match.  We give and we take, we give in and we compromise, but mostly we just fit well together.  And I acknowledge that I am most certainly harder to live with, since I’m the one who is always cluttering the counter with my stuff.  But I am trying to be better.

Most of my friends are all married, with kids not too far away.  That question of “Are we ever?” is always hanging around.  It hangs in the air, unspoken.  It comes up every now and then, even between us.  I don’t know why, but I really don’t feel like I’m in a hurry.  There’s no grand prize waiting for us once we cross that line.  Presumably, it’s just more of what we already have, right?  How could it possibly get better than this?  And if it gets worse?  Then I definitely don’t want to rush towards that.  So I’m happy to be where we are.  Happy and content.  No schedules or deadlines, just today and tomorrow.  Lots of tomorrows.  Lots of kisses and smiles and cups of coffee made just right.  If I’m so blissfully happy right now, what on earth am I supposed to be rushing towards?